You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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