WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
