I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
