Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
