I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
