this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
