i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Damn victory sex feels great
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
