if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
