Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
