You don't have asthma, your pregnant
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
