i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
