I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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