he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
