He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
