Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
