Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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