You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
