I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
