Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
