so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
