Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
