Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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