I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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