Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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