There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My liver just had a heart attack.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
