Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
