my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
