I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
