lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
