her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
