They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
