Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
