Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
