I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
