you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
