She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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