Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
