I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
