I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
