you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
