I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
