is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
