I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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