does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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