Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
