I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
