my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
