thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
