There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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