Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Come see our sink grown plant.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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