I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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