Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
