I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
