last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found puke in my bra..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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